A BLUEPRINT | What do you stand for?

Five years into doing this work, my work, I find myself disenchanted with the World of Wellness, and at the fringes of it. So much so, that I question whether it’s still my space.

I believe this is what happens for a lot of folks that come from a place of passion into their line of work - in our freshman days, we are fueled by excitement for, and a sense of belonging to our respective field. Some maintain this connectedness, but others, at some point realize that their personal evolution has led them to a different place. Change is the only constant, we know that, and this includes our working environments. Things get a bit more sticky however, when these shifts are not congruent with our own, when we no longer feel aligned with what our professional landscapes stand for.

This has been the case for me. So I sit here, with my own blueprint questions:

What do I care about? What do I stand for? What are the values that I hold dear and near, high and above?

And...that little voice asking...do I need to go conform, settle for less...to remain (successful)?

Blueprints, and what one stands for can only truly be approached backwards, so for matter of context, here’s how I came to mine:

I had my first physical therapy when I was 15, my first acupuncture treatment when I was 16, my first reiki session when I was 17, my first craniosacral and osteopathic adjustment when I was 17 ½, my first colonic followed by a four month strict no-sugar-(not-even-fruit)-no-dairy-no-gluten-no-histamine cleanse when I was 18, my first systemic family constellation therapy (as taught by Bert Hellinger) when I was 19, and by the age of 24 I had checked off every possible alternative eastern and western healing modality/treatment/therapy that is known to mankind.

Given my heritage, my father is Indian, my mother is Czech, I also grew up with fair amount of traditional medicine exposure: onions around my neck for a sore throat, mud for a hurting stomach, propolis for any scratch, homemade tinctures, flower essences, triphala and Asafoetida...were no strangers to me. (Including the eventual social repercussions of ingesting garlic juice/or smelling like an onion..)

I’m 33 today, so this was long before Wellness had ever crossed Gwyneth Paltrow's mind and became gooped up.

My reasons for pilgriming holistic health whilst my peers were having their first kiss, first getting-high on something, first heartbreak, were not unleashing my full potential, glowing skin and balanced hormones, I was merely fighting for my life:
Being diagnosed with a rare form of highly progressive scoliosis (lateral curvature of the spine) at age 14, and after developing a hunchback six months later, (my rib cage had also rotated, pressing into my lungs making every breath extremely painful) western medicine concluded I had six months left to live, and the only way to stop the progress (as in save my life) was to undertake a complex spinal surgery, implementing metal rods left and right to my spine from T3 to S2 (almost the entire length of my spine) and put me into a wheelchair. I couldn’t move at all for the first six months, turning from one side to the other in bed was only possible with the help of a nurse; and experienced a level of pain, that up until this day is hard to fathom - simply because I was receiving morphine hourly by an automatic drip into my bloodstream.

Six years post my first surgery, I had to undergo the same procedure, but in reverse - due to bad luck. Unfortunately, the gentlemen in white didn’t bother to test whether I was allergic to the metal which the rods were made of. As it turned out, I was highly allergic to Nickel and Cadmium - main components of the rods. The same men also predicted, not gently at all, that I would never be able to change the state I was in: more sick than alive, imprisoned in my very own body, dependent on caretakers and painkillers.

The last pain killer I took when I tore a ligament hiking in the alps four years ago, and if we’ve met me in real life you may know that none of the above has proven to be true. I changed everything I was told I could not; reclaimed my body, my health and, my life.

So my pain, in classical wounded healer manner, became my calling. After a few detours and a few more studies, I went into Wellness and build my own business coaching people to do the trick I had done - change to be well, change the impossible, change to be free.

But Wellness today, has morphed from a space for healing to an industry that less and less appeals to me with its hype, its false claims, its fix-yourself-with-this-well-branded-and-influencer-liked-powder mentality.

I’ve witnessed humans with a genuine interest to take care of their wellbeing become consumers and followers, being put into cookie-cutter-categories of their respective maladies, and all of this based on the results of an online-quiz.

(What’s your digestion type - this how you need to eat, 5 foods for better sex, anyone?)

So that they may be freed from the burden of having to find answers, or god forbid - make decisions for themselves and instead, can change everything with a life-changing 3-day, or 3-week-program depending on which end of the spectrum of commitment issues one sits.

Somewhere along the way, the notion of treat your body like a temple went (tiger) nuts - cryo, colonics, cell rejuvenation.

If your sole purpose in life is to avoid the marks of a life well lived, to be all concerned with yourself/your performance/your I-woke-up-like-this-flawlessness, then my assumption is, you’ll be pretty but pretty miserable. (And I say this from experience - clients/self)

Further, I‘d argue all of this wellness-ing is creating not stronger, but in fact, less resilient humans.

Why?
Because we live in an age of profound anxiety, and it’s capitalizing on the already enormous epidemic of outsourcing, lack of trust in ourselves, low self-worth, and has our self-esteem crippling with each minute spent on Instagram. Wellness has become a pursuit onto itself instead of a practice, another checklist item/benchmark to see how good we are (or not.) We are being marketed unattainable ideals of uber-health, bombarded with the chiseled bodies of so-called wellness experts, and deluded by filtered social media fantasies (because, that’s what they are- far off from a representation of reality.)

To come back to my backstory (forgive the redundancy), the question I get asked most is „How did you do it? What helped you to get well?“ The truth is, I don’t have a straightforward answer (I know, that would be so nice), besides the sheer determination to fight for my life. It was not one person, one program, one concept or theory, it was indeed many a pieces of a puzzle that had to come together. Ironically (or maybe not), the actual healing did not take place until I stopped seeking solutions outside of myself...so yes, when it’s you looking at you, you have savior and the one in need for saving.

What I do know is what I have invested to get here: it’s been a big, effing long journey of learning and unlearning, trial and error, commitment, discipline and persistence (yes, not new school tenacity but old school blood, sweat and tears) to come to this place of wellbeing. (That, just fyi, includes days with bad skin, feeling blah, and such because, I am human, and not a biohacker)

Not everyone’s path to wellbeing requires such intensity, of course. Different starting points, where you want to go, will define the time and level of commitment you need put forward. But there ain’t no way around it - No pain, no gain, my friends. The painful part here being to get into your feelings (Kiki/Drake can’t help), and face stuff you might not want to. (Hello buried emotional hurt/digestive issues..etc etc)

Untangling the root of suffering and self-sabotage is key to get a grip not just on your wellbeing, but your life. That is, if you want real, lasting change.

In my practice, I have been lucky enough to work with highly committed, willing-to-do the-hard-work-of-change people, that by the end of our journey become leaders in their own wellbeing. Not reliant on me, a product or someone else telling them what to do, but instead equipped to navigate this complex inner and outer world we live in.

I believe there’s a different path to wellness, a better one than the 1001 ideas we are currently being sold in cute jars (..and hardly receiving the 1 we truly need).

One that takes wellness back to what it should be - you know, feeling calm and clear in the head (not hungover, slept & fed well), and in touch with our body (being able to read and interpret the signals correctly) instead of being a pursuit unto itself to become what, I don’t know.

We need wellness that is realistic, truth- and respectful, compassionate and inclusive of the entire spectrum of human emotion. Because here’s the other truth the happy shiny wellness mavens tend to not spot: if we do not address what makes us feel less than, if we keep excluding feelings of insecure/sad/low/anxious/angry, placing band aid over band aid in the way we do, our social media feeds do, our workplaces force us to do - we create more of the same suffering, and further rob ourselves of our (true) self, and each other.

I will fight against this collective denial, and for (a) reality that is big enough to encompass this no man’s land - the places were we are hurting and hiding, so that when life throws us a curveball (because it will) we may deal with it in a less lonely, overwhelmed and individualist way then we do at the moment.

So yeah, what I stand for is not an easy sell (pun intended), but I believe in truth and refuse to rest in comforting cliches.

What do you stand (up) for, my friend?

________

Tell me who you loyal to
Do it start with your woman or your man? (Mmm)
Do it end with your family and friends? (Mmm)
Or you're loyal to yourself in advance?
I said, tell me who you loyal to
Is it anybody that you would lie for?
Anybody you would slide for?
Anybody you would die for? (Kendrick Lamar , Loyalty)